I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
