Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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