in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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