cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
