honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
