Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Every concussion has its silver lining
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
