Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
