Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
