didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
