You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
