You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
