You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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