Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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