As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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