with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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