his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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