It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
