At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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