The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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