I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
