Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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