You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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