she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
