4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize