just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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