God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
