I accidentally had phone sex last night
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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