I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
