Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
