Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
