we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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