This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize