this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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