I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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