He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
