i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
