Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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