So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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