I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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