Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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