just tell him i said nine months
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
