i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
