Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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