best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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