Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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