So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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