I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Randomize