that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
only you would photoshop your dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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