my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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