He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize