She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
And my parents said I crawled through the house
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
