Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
