How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just found a bag of teeth...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
