Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize