So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just saw a hot homeless man
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
