Three words: puerto rican gang bang
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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