I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
