My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We need to get me chipped asap
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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