Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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