i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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