i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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