I understand Curling. That high.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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