I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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