My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
