Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
