I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
