Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
