Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
