the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
