Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
