Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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