This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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