i jhust puked up my retainher.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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