Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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