Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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