I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
