i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize