next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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