I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I stole a fireplace last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
